I'm Sorry
by Starlight Black
Summary: Lily finally realizes what she's feeling. Is it to late?


Sighing I glanced up, the noise in the room killing my headache. My eyes zone in on my co-Head, James. He was sitting across the room, Shauney with him. As I look away a note lands in my lap.

_It's time to give up flora. You left him, he's moved on. Quit looking so desperate no one likes a sore loser.  
- yours truly…_

Glaring at the useless piece of paper it started to smoke. Alice turned looking at me, I quickly grab my wand and vanish the paper. How dare those despicable girls insinuate this. I could never like James I have to work and live with him. The fact that he's more responsible, and we have agreed to a easy friendship means nothing, right?

Well maybe. But no absolutely not, why not, why can't I like him? He's all I fought against, hated even since, well I got here. What was the reason for that, just the fact that he picked on sev-Snape? Is he really all that bad? I'm not sure anymore, but I have almost an entire notebook telling me he is.

Lists upon lists, showing what he's done, how annoying he is. None from the last year, however, none since we brought about our truce. Ha, lists? I have lists, telling me what to think? Gods I really am a super nerd like Sirius always says. I have lists telling me what to think of a boy I've always grown up with. Though, as I look up at him though, he isn't a boy, not really.

He isn't a boy but is he a man? I don't know, I see him tall and strong, glasses and messy black hair. Is there more? _Don't base it off of what you see but what you remember_. Shocked I listen to the little voice in the back of my head and close my eyes.

I remember different. The tall boy from Quidditch games, leading his team with a devotion few possess, with his black hair even more messy than normal with the air rushing through it, his muscles strained while throwing the Quaffel. Bending down in the hallway to help a second year pick up his spilt things with a smile, as the young boy thanks him profusely, and all he does is wave it away saying its nothing. At Christmas, his hazel eyes boring down into mine, brown with flecks of gold and a little green, after glancing at the mistletoe, and then a quick peck on the cheek before . Oh, his laugh, why did I never notice it before? So happy and perfect. Only now too late for me to tell him, that maybe just maybe I would say 'Yes'.

Never before I would have thought it possible, never before I would have wanted it. Him always there, annoying but there; the only other person who I would want to see me mess up or in trouble. Because he would be the only one who would encourage me, make sure I was alright, and to try again. Too late now though.

I look up across the room from where I am supposedly doing my homework, and there they are Shauney on James lap laughing and giggling. He seems to truly like her with no thought as to me. Here I sit hating myself for not seeing him, his generosity, kindness, devotion, and love before now. He looks up to see my gaze on him; he looks away quickly and becomes very interested in what Shauney is telling him.

Quietly I take out a fresh piece of paper, my quill already in the ink. "I need to tell him even if he doesn't care about me anymore." The words escaped from my lips, and I didn't even know if they were true. Was this for him or me?

_Dear James,_

_Can the only person you've ever hated actually be the only person you've have ever loved? I think so. I did not see you clearly before. But you saw me, I don't know how, but you did. They say that hate is but one step from love, both emotions of passion. Now that it seems I have none I beg your forgiveness for only now do I realize what I was missing, I wonder how I was so blind before. You James are the only person who actually saw me, who I would love to argue with everyday, it gives me such a rush, I wonder what else you do that gives a rush. I'm glad your happy, maybe one day I'll find someone like you again. I will forever love you, you have always had a space in my heart, enjoy life._

_Yours Always,_

_Love,_

Lily

Reading over the letter, I made my way back to the heads room. The painting of the night sky made me smile was hidden behind a piece of cloth.

"Hirsute" The word seemed to echo in the hall as I climbed in. Looking up the doors to our separate rooms seemed to glow in the light coming from the fireplace. James' a still stag under the ever-present full moon. Mine was a single rose twined together with a single lily hovering in the middle. Dropping my bookbag I set down the note on top. Against what I really wanted to do I leave it there, if James is happy who am I to change that? Leaving it there tiredly I walk into my bedroom. With a groan I fall onto the plush bed and sink into its wonderful depths, falling asleep instantaneously.

The next morning I came out Saturday called for sweats and a comfy tank top. With one look I panicked, the letter was gone. Turning around I quickly scanned the room and froze, James stood there waiting. He was shirtless, it was a good look for him, but he looked liked he'd gone all night without sleep, maybe he had.

"Lily we need to talk."


End file.
